I'm new a blogging, so be kind read with an open mind and heart. Its taken me a while to decide if I would post this or not. I have given it lots of thought and said why not. Its not a written all that well, however as time goes I think I will get better at it. Hope in some small way it helps someone out there who is in a struggle no matter what it is its real.
Last year I was in the pool swimming. Well , I had swam about two hours off and on so time to get out and go grab a cold beer. When I got out of the pool the sun hit my skin which seem to really hurt my left leg . Grabbing my towel placing it around me. I headed down to my house. Once inside. I looked at my leg and there was a round red circle. How did I just get sunburned in one little spot?
Not long after that I saw a red circle on my face on the right side of my jaw. Yep . I let it go for a few months till it was growing. Then I sped off to see my doctor. That's when the treatments began. Seeing my face morph into a big red sore was scary to say the least. Yep, the treatments killed the cancer cells. Then I noticed its on the left side of my face. Okay you guessed it. Treatment has started on that as well. then it spread under my nose above my lips. Now that did not look darling when it turned into a large red sore. It was a big struggle having to stay in the house out of the sun. Also. I looked like something from another planet. This lasted for a good month or more. I still have red places where the treatments was. I felt as though I was falling apart a piece at a time. It was hard to be in side day in and day out as the treatment took its course. Knowing it was temporary was not a relief. Sometimes its the small things that get you. My workouts had to stop because my body was on a no feel good mode,and my face was a mess with sores from the treatments. Seeing my self like that plunged me into depression. Its not always easy to speak about the depression and the scary part of cancer. So I had chats with my self!! Goodness did I just admit to talking to myself? As you can see some of my struggle with this skin cancer was also the depression. Let me tell you this!! cancer is cancer and it can be a little scary. In my struggle to know tomorrow is a new day seemed to be very far away and I was having trouble getting there. Also, I did not know if I was going to have to have surgery on my face to stop the cancer from spreading. So that dip me further into depression. Each day I looked worse than the day before and I cried . Yes. I knew in my soul that this would pass and life would get back to some kind of normal. I am a fighter and squash down most things. Also , I do have lots of faith in God to help me with courage and strength . However, sometimes you just need a big bowl of Ice Cream to help fight the fight.!!:) I understand everyone has a story. I hope if you do that someone stood by you and let you lean on them when you felt the need to just let go even for a moment. Sometimes that's all you need is a moment. There is no reason to fight something alone. It does not make us a hero or a light in another person life . Everyone needs someone to talk with to let go a little or just have encouraging words . Don't try and be a hero in your battle, take it from me. It does not work. I hope this little story will help someone else who is struggle with a scary feeling or depression. Perhaps they will have family and friends who step in to love them through the parts of feeling ugly and depressed. Lucky me. I live on my daughters property so family was near. However. Depression is deep and holds on like a tight rope around the good parts of the mind. It seems to reach in and wrap its self around all the good parts leaving no hope and despair. Its like a hollowing wind blowing all the good things away, and then it takes you down. This is why I say again. There is no Good Cancer and there is no Good Depression!!! Just Saying!!
Depression!!
This was a big part of my daily battle with the cancer treatments. Even without the other I struggle to fight this enemy in my sleep and in my moment by moment living. If you have not suffered from depression, you will not feel or understand the fear and hopeless this has on a person. Be careful what you say as a response to a person struggling with depression! A phone call may turn a life around. A visit may bring a ray of hope to a person struggling to make it one more day. I hope I'm not so busy that I let my friends and family ever go through something alone and depressed. While struggling with skin cancer and depression , I had a wake up call to be a better Mom a better Friend a better Person.
Just Saying!!
To my family thank you for caring and loving me while I was healing. I love each of you. A big shout out for my two friends in Dallas. Anna and Doris that sent me flowers and text-ed me all of the time. I am forever grateful. To Barbara In Oxnard thank you for your phone calls to see how I was getting on. To my friends up in LA, and Olivia. Thank you bunches for the phone calls, and your funny text message. You made me laugh. To the Ramona gals who gave me warm thoughts thank you it was helpful.
This is all I have to say right now about my life and struggles with both face cancer and depression. Be good to yourself , to your family and friends.
Just Saying
Pieces of me to pieces of you
Last year I was in the pool swimming. Well , I had swam about two hours off and on so time to get out and go grab a cold beer. When I got out of the pool the sun hit my skin which seem to really hurt my left leg . Grabbing my towel placing it around me. I headed down to my house. Once inside. I looked at my leg and there was a round red circle. How did I just get sunburned in one little spot?
Not long after that I saw a red circle on my face on the right side of my jaw. Yep . I let it go for a few months till it was growing. Then I sped off to see my doctor. That's when the treatments began. Seeing my face morph into a big red sore was scary to say the least. Yep, the treatments killed the cancer cells. Then I noticed its on the left side of my face. Okay you guessed it. Treatment has started on that as well. then it spread under my nose above my lips. Now that did not look darling when it turned into a large red sore. It was a big struggle having to stay in the house out of the sun. Also. I looked like something from another planet. This lasted for a good month or more. I still have red places where the treatments was. I felt as though I was falling apart a piece at a time. It was hard to be in side day in and day out as the treatment took its course. Knowing it was temporary was not a relief. Sometimes its the small things that get you. My workouts had to stop because my body was on a no feel good mode,and my face was a mess with sores from the treatments. Seeing my self like that plunged me into depression. Its not always easy to speak about the depression and the scary part of cancer. So I had chats with my self!! Goodness did I just admit to talking to myself? As you can see some of my struggle with this skin cancer was also the depression. Let me tell you this!! cancer is cancer and it can be a little scary. In my struggle to know tomorrow is a new day seemed to be very far away and I was having trouble getting there. Also, I did not know if I was going to have to have surgery on my face to stop the cancer from spreading. So that dip me further into depression. Each day I looked worse than the day before and I cried . Yes. I knew in my soul that this would pass and life would get back to some kind of normal. I am a fighter and squash down most things. Also , I do have lots of faith in God to help me with courage and strength . However, sometimes you just need a big bowl of Ice Cream to help fight the fight.!!:) I understand everyone has a story. I hope if you do that someone stood by you and let you lean on them when you felt the need to just let go even for a moment. Sometimes that's all you need is a moment. There is no reason to fight something alone. It does not make us a hero or a light in another person life . Everyone needs someone to talk with to let go a little or just have encouraging words . Don't try and be a hero in your battle, take it from me. It does not work. I hope this little story will help someone else who is struggle with a scary feeling or depression. Perhaps they will have family and friends who step in to love them through the parts of feeling ugly and depressed. Lucky me. I live on my daughters property so family was near. However. Depression is deep and holds on like a tight rope around the good parts of the mind. It seems to reach in and wrap its self around all the good parts leaving no hope and despair. Its like a hollowing wind blowing all the good things away, and then it takes you down. This is why I say again. There is no Good Cancer and there is no Good Depression!!! Just Saying!!
Depression!!
This was a big part of my daily battle with the cancer treatments. Even without the other I struggle to fight this enemy in my sleep and in my moment by moment living. If you have not suffered from depression, you will not feel or understand the fear and hopeless this has on a person. Be careful what you say as a response to a person struggling with depression! A phone call may turn a life around. A visit may bring a ray of hope to a person struggling to make it one more day. I hope I'm not so busy that I let my friends and family ever go through something alone and depressed. While struggling with skin cancer and depression , I had a wake up call to be a better Mom a better Friend a better Person.
Just Saying!!
To my family thank you for caring and loving me while I was healing. I love each of you. A big shout out for my two friends in Dallas. Anna and Doris that sent me flowers and text-ed me all of the time. I am forever grateful. To Barbara In Oxnard thank you for your phone calls to see how I was getting on. To my friends up in LA, and Olivia. Thank you bunches for the phone calls, and your funny text message. You made me laugh. To the Ramona gals who gave me warm thoughts thank you it was helpful.
This is all I have to say right now about my life and struggles with both face cancer and depression. Be good to yourself , to your family and friends.
Just Saying
Pieces of me to pieces of you